Tennessee Baptist Children’s Homes
Tennessee Baptist Children’s Home (TBCH) is a faith-based organization that provides residential and foster care services for children in need. Their mission is to offer safe, nurturing environments for children who cannot live with their families due to various circumstances.
About Tennessee Baptist Children’s Homes
Since 1891, Tennessee Baptist Children’s Homes (TBCH) has provided Christ-centered, family-style homes for children in crisis across Tennessee. With campuses in Brentwood, Millington, and Chattanooga, TBCH serves around 100 children at any given time—working to reunite families, support foster care, and guide young adults aging out of care.
TBCH also equips teens aging out of care through its Independent Living Program in Chattanooga, connecting them with college, trade school, or the workforce. Through vocational partnerships in fields like welding and woodworking, students are prepared for long-term success.
TBCH is expanding through the Firm Foundations Project, which replaces aging homes with updated, private living spaces for children. Entirely donor-funded and operating debt-free, TBCH relies on individuals, churches, and businesses to continue its mission and is actively seeking foster families to help meet growing needs.
Meet The Team
Darren Andrus is Vice President of Residential Care at TBCH, overseeing operations on the Brentwood campus after two decades of leadership in Millington and Memphis.
Lydia Burton is a Foster Care Case Manager in Middle Tennessee, licensing and supporting foster families across the region.
Rees Greenman is Program Director in Brentwood, specializing in trauma-informed, Christ-centered care for children and teens.
Resources
Tennessee Baptist Children’s Homes
Firm Foundations Project
Hope Hines Fore Kids Golf Classic
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Carli: Darren and. You are the Vice President of Residential Care for the Tennessee Baptist Children's Home. Welcome to Signature Required.
Darren: Well, thank you Carli. It's good to be here.
Carli: I am really excited to be here today and shine a little bit of a light on what you guys do here. [00:01:00] So for the vast majority of our audience, the idea of the Tennessee Baptist Children's Home is a mouthful and they have no idea what it is that you do.
Carli: Right. What do you do here?
Darren: That's a great question. We welcome children and families with a love of Christ that are coming from hard places and that can mean a lot of different things. But for us, that is, serving homes for children that need a place. And and so that could be a foster care home or it could be a residential group home in which that's what I do here.
Carli: So this is a residence for kids that are coming out of hard places. Is that correct?
Darren: Yes. Yes.
Carli: How does that even happen? Tell me a little bit about that.
Darren: Well, a family may be experiencing crisis. Crisis may be a homeless situation or a parent is incarcerated or a parent has passed away and, a grandparent or an aunt and uncle is, stepped in and rightfully so and trying to help out the situation.
Darren: And, and it's just been overwhelming. And so they're just needing a place for [00:02:00] children, to be temporarily until they can get back on their feet again. maybe it's a mother that is homeless and she's just struggling and just need some time to be able to have some care for her children while she can help get a job, get a place to live, and have those things that are settled so she can get her children back.
Darren: And so, people find out about us and they call us. It may be, department of Children Services. They hear about a situation and they don't want to have to take a kid into state's custody. And so. Therefore they holler at us and ask if we can be of help. And a lot of times we're able to help out in those situations.
Carli: If a parent comes to you and says, Hey, I'm in a bad way.
Darren: Yes,
Carli: I've got a son and a daughter, I've got a couple kids. What does that process look like? Because your goal, if I understand it correctly, is to try to keep kids. Out of the foster care
Darren: Yes.
Carli: System. So I don't think a lot of people, myself included, understand the difference between what [00:03:00] you get to do here in a group home setting versus what is foster care.
Darren: Sure. We have foster care, but our group home services offer, placement for children that they don't have to place their kids in state's custody before they come here. And that's a win for the state because we're, our tax dollars are not having to pay for children to be in state's custody and go through the system.
Darren: It's a win for the family because they are not having to go before a court or a judge to be able to get their children back. And we are able to keep their children in a safe place while they're working on what they need to work on. We can help the children have a safe place and be able to have that consistency in school, be able to have a safe environment in a home setting.
Darren: And sometimes they're behind in school. So we have volunteers that are tutors that will come in and help the children catch up grade level. We see that often. And so we give them that [00:04:00] stability until that parent is ready to get the children back. And so the goal for the majority of the children that come into our care.
Darren: Is to get 'em back in the home. It's to reunify 'em with their family and we have a big celebration when that happens. We love it when families give back together and they don't have to go back before a judge to make that happen. Also, they don't have to be dependent on insurance or money. They can stay here as long as they need to stay here in order to make that happen, to get back with their family.
Darren: So at no cost to the family. So,
Carli: okay. My, my entrepreneurial finance part of me, which is not as strong as my husband Spencer's, but I still got it, is wondering how on earth.
Darren: Yes. Do
Carli: you provide for, how many kids do you guys have in your care?
Darren: Well, statewide, we have a couple hundred kids in our care.
Darren: Wow. At this particular location, we can hold up to 16 due to our construction. Eventually when our construction of new homes, which I'm sure we'll talk about here in a little bit when that is complete, we'll be able to hold up to [00:05:00] 32 children in our residential care here at the Brentwood campus. So, wait, let me back up.
Darren: You
Carli: have multiple locations across Tennessee? Yes. Correct. How many?
Darren: We have three residential locations. One is our ranch that is out in Millington, Tennessee
Carli: Wait, tell me about the ranch. Is it like a dude ranch? Are we playing on horses? It's, what is this?
Darren: It's 300 acres. Oh, wow. Working cattle ranch. They have horses, they have cows they have small animals and the children learn to do chores. So it's a very farm like environment. And it's an incredible environment. And not only that, we have a workshop that is a wood shop and they teach some of the kids how to do welding.
Darren: So they work with cattle, they work with horses, they go to rodeos and things like that. But it's also a home-like environment where they still go to school, they go to church, they participate in different things. Some of the kids are playing basketball or sports or if they're involved in band, we want 'em to be involved in the community.
Darren: Or if they're old enough, we want 'em to be involved [00:06:00] in working in the community. Maybe a place like Chick-fil-A or Spro, some of those places are very good to us. Say Chick-fil-A is the best
Carli: place to start. That's a great place. The Holy Chicken is a great place to start a career. It is. So you've got the ranch?
Carli: Yes. And then where else?
Darren: We have another location that is similar to ours in Brentwood. That's located in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Carli: Okay. Can you tell me a little bit about the Firm Foundation's project and what y'all are working on?
Darren: Yes. A few years ago we dis discovered that our homes are aging and also the type of homes are they fitting the need that is out there for children that we're serving. And what I mean by that is.
Darren: When we are full, the children will have roommates and what we would like to move toward and what we are moving toward is homes that have individual bedrooms and bathrooms, and we're excited about that.
Darren: When you're placing children from different backgrounds in a [00:07:00] home, it can be very challenging. The house parents it's a very hard work that they do. They live there 24/7 and they serve children, and it's kinda like having a youth group in your home that is never ending. And so it could be kids from 5 to 18 that are in your home.
Darren: Right now one of our homes is mostly elementary aged children. And so that can be very challenging and also rewarding. But we want to make sure kids are safe in the now and in the future. And we feel the best way to do that is to have individual bedrooms and bathrooms. So the Firm Foundations project has come from an opportunity to build a cell part of our campus.
Darren: And to be able to use that money to be able to fund what we need as far as six new residential homes.
Carli: How do you help the mental load of your house? Parents? Yeah, because as they have kids, I imagine coming in and out regularly, right? I mean, what's the average tenure of a [00:08:00] kid that gets to stay here?
Darren: I'd say that it's right at 18 months, two years. That stays it just depends because we have such a unique variety of children and their needs and their goals.
Darren: We have some children that are going to come into our care and maybe they're in high school already and because of their situation, we know that they're gonna graduate with us.
Darren: But the younger children that come into our care, they tend to reunify with their families a lot more quickly and and have the opportunity to do that just because of the age and also the opportunity to be able to help with some of the behavior. Things that come along with Sure. The challenges of the environments that they're coming from.
Darren: And so the house parents, as far as helping them out and the longevity of them staying with us. And I would say with this, with all of our staff, 'cause we're blessed with staff across our state that has stayed with us for quite a while. we give them consistent time off and that's the time that they can refresh.
Darren: They [00:09:00] can rest and, just be able to, have some stability and some sanity in their own life and space, to be able to come back into another rotation of serving kids and continue to serve them well. Because we know how tiring it is.
Carli: So what services do exist for the families that you make sure reunification is in the best interest of? The family and the kid?
Darren: Well, that's a good question. We try to support them with a church community if they're, they may be in a, another county a couple hours away from here, and so we try to reach out to churches or organizations that are, maybe some other nonprofit organizations or counselors in the areas that they're from.
Darren: And we want to surround them from, you know, with people that can help them and assist them. Maybe it's somebody that's walking that path with them and filling out job applications or finding an apartment in a place to live, or a DCS person that is already involved with a [00:10:00] family and they're able to assist them in finding the right places to with the Department of Human Services and where they can.
Darren: Help have that financial assistance. So just really connecting them with the community partners.
Darren: We were at Cracker Barrel in Dickson one time, just traveling through and on our way to Memphis and. Grabbing a bite to eat. And the waitress, she said, are you with the Tennessee Baptist Children's Homes? After she saw our logo on that shirt and and we said, yeah what do you know about it? And she said, well, I grew up at the Brentwood campus.
Darren: And she said, I want you to know it changed my life and my kids are not going to follow what I've been through because of what happened at the Tennessee Baptist Children's Homes and how well the house parents and the team here served her. And so, so you get to hear a story that the chain was broken And of the past. And so her kids are not having to experience what she had to go through [00:11:00] and repeat what she went through.
Carli: Well, because being a chain breaker. Is uniquely challenging. And I think people listening to this podcast, maybe they haven't been in this same situation as the kids that you are serving.
Carli: No. Or the families that you're serving. But I think everyone has something in their family or in their family history that they are trying to be a changemaker for
Darren: sure. Oh yeah.
Carli: And I think that's a really great context for people to think of is you may have a couple of things that you're trying to break the generational bonds for your kids, but these are kids that are growing up trying to make generational impact by breaking a litany of really hard chains.
Darren: Yeah,
Carli: that's really interesting. That's good.
Carli: My favorite thing that I think you've said today is this idea of feeling. Called. I'm a big believer you can push to do anything.
Reese: Yes.
Carli: Right. But you will only sustain for so long. Yeah. Before you get exhausted. But if you feel pulled, you can [00:12:00] conquer mountains.
Carli: Yeah. And that seems like exactly what your foster families are, as they're called. They're being pulled to this work. You certainly, and your team here. But I also wonder about the people listening to this podcast saying, maybe I am called to foster care, but maybe I'm not.
Rees: Yeah.
Carli: But I am called to serve in some capacity.
Carli: Like this is a people group I wanna serve, but how can little me do anything to help kids going through so much? Because wouldn't you say A lot of people I think are intimidated Oh yeah. To step into the life of someone that's been through trauma and they don't know the right language to use and they don't feel like they have anything to offer.
Carli: These kids. So what would you say to those people that maybe have the heart to serve, but just feel a little bit overwhelmed and unsure of how to do it?
Darren: Well, first, let me share that I felt the overwhelmed when I first started here. Because at first I was going another career path. And when this opportunity came up to be able to serve at Tennessee Baptist [00:13:00] Children's Homes I was like, there's no way I'm gonna do that.
Darren: I'm not gonna be involved in that. I can't be a part of that because that's just too hard. 'cause I scary. It's scary. Yeah, it's scary. Yeah. And I had friends that their parents were house parents at another location and so I knew a little bit enough to know that, hey, that's scary. That's foreign territory.
Darren: That's incredibly hard work. And so, but I took that next step as you know, really our family took that next step and coming to the children's homes and we began serving and we be, even though it's extremely hard. It's extremely rewarding. And and to be able to see a child that's coming from such a crazy background or a desperate situation that looks like there's no hope in sight to be able to see and help them overcome is pretty pretty neat story to be a part of.
Darren: It's just taking that step of just getting to know us as a staff, getting to know the children that are in our care. It may be something simple [00:14:00] as praying for us. Or it may be something as simple as dropping off a donation for our food pantry, or when we post on Facebook you know, there's a need for certain type of clothing or bathroom towels you know, to help support what we're doing. Those are easy steps to be able to kind of tiptoe in to what we do and get to. Know, children get to know who we are and what our mission is about and to be able to be a part of it. But also there's a way to be able to you know, maybe like it's a volunteer tutor or doing projects on our campus.
Darren: We have a group coming out here in a couple weeks to help us freshen up all the landscaping that we haven't already messed up with all the construction yet. I was gonna say, we're already doing landscaping. I feel like those trucks
Carli: might run that over.
Darren: Exactly. And maybe, but there's a couple areas that, you know, they're gonna help us with landscaping and cleaning out some things and and do some different things there.
Darren: So the little projects here and there, but also we still need 9 million more dollars to be able to fund the rest of what we're [00:15:00] doing, to have a full campus of kids and our construction completing. Because you're doing
Carli: it all debt free.
Darren: Yes. Right? Yes. That's a big part
Carli: of what you're working on. We've
Darren: never been in our 134 years, been in debt.
Darren: Our support comes from churches and individuals across the state, and so we have been very blessed generosity of Tennesseans and even beyond helping us out. But about 50% of our support comes from churches across the state. And about the other 50% comes from individuals and businesses that wanna be involved in our work and wanna be a part of the cause.
Darren: Also, what makes us unique is we don't take government money. That doesn't mean we're anti-government, we're just, we just never had to take government money and we're able to do things that maybe other organizations or folks that may not be able to do. And we feel like the spiritual component in what we do and going to church and sharing our faith is part of the healing process.
Darren: We don't make kids make [00:16:00] decision. It wouldn't make be authentic if we did. But we feel like a big part of the healing process of what we do is a faith and a response and in following the Lord and with our lives and stuff. And so it's made a big impact in my life and our children and it's helped us overcome a lot of things.
Carli: So one thing we like to do with our guests before we end is a fill in the blank exercise. Okay.It's like we're back in elementary school. Right. It's like a test. It's a, so we're actually testing you and if you don't get this right, we will never air the podcast.
Carli: Just kidding. Okay, if someone is considering becoming a foster parent, my advice would be blank.
Darren: If somebody was becoming a foster parent and had interest in that area my advice would be, just being patient and being a learner.
Darren: And going in with an attitude. I'm going to learn and hear other people's experiences because we see on television or we see a highlight on social media [00:17:00] and we see this incredible scene take place of a family that's celebrating and they have an adoption or they're fostering, or maybe they're in a group home setting and they're celebrating.
Darren: These successes that are just a snapshot in a picture in time, but it doesn't have the hard behind it.
Darren: And sometimes we have our preconceived ideas of what we think it's gonna be and and it doesn't turn out that way.
Darren: I don't know why it's that way, but it usually happens the opposite. Sure. And to really grow and understand and to be able to learn from others is just a, probably one of the most valuable aspects of being involved in this type of work, of being a foster parent or adoptive parent is just be able to be a good listener and learning from others and seek and wise counsel.
Carli: What you guys really seem to do well here is show up and be [00:18:00] obedient day by day. What you said is you're just doing the next right thing for the kids that come into your orbit, into your care. And I love that because kids in trauma, kids in homeless situations, foster care, those are really big buckets.
Carli: Of work, and it seems like you guys have really identified what you can do and what you cannot do.
Rees: Sure.
Carli: And you're chipping away at what you can do. And I think there's a lot of people out there that are overwhelmed by the need, and so it's hard to even get started so thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing this story. I think it's one that needs to be told, and I'm really grateful that we get to do it.
Darren: Thank you, Carly. Thanks.
Carli: Lydia Burton, foster care case manager for the Tennessee Baptist Children's Home. Yeah. Welcome to Signature Required.
Lydia: Thank you guys so much for having me.
Lydia: I appreciate it. It's awesome to be here with you guys.
Carli: I'm so excited to have you. So tell me a little bit about your role.
Lydia: Yeah.
Carli: At Tennessee Baptist Children's. Yeah,
Lydia: so I'm a foster [00:19:00] care case manager. So a little bit more into that though. I'm more specifically training and licensing foster homes currently.
Lydia: So a case manager in itself is coming alongside. Foster families, foster children being that support person, that advocate helping with court hearings or driving kiddos to doctor's appointments. Getting those things scheduled, making sure that they are reaching the requirements that the state is requiring of us and of our families.
Lydia: And then my main role right now is training and licensing foster homes, which means I am doing their training course with these families. It's an eight week course, so I'm doing that with them, getting them prepped to welcome children into their home. And then I'm also diving into the home study process with these families of walking alongside them, supporting them in that hearing all their life stories.
Lydia: Yeah. It's like, it's multifaceted for sure. You
Carli: have a lot of hats
Lydia: y
Carli: Yeah. Yeah. In your role, and I would imagine you are also. A [00:20:00] reservoir of stories. Yes. And you say you're driving people to appointments. Yes. And you're also equipping foster families. Yeah. How is that for you?
Lydia: It is really cool to hear and to see all the stories of these different people that you get to be in contact with on a daily basis.
Lydia: I say that often, that's one of my favorite roles in this job and privileges of this job is just to hear people's stories. Especially in like home environments. I'm like, that's the most vulnerable place is someone's home. And so being in a home with someone and getting to see them in that environment and hear about them and their childhood and their teenage years and all the things, and then to see a child who, you know, is so vulnerable and you get to see them in this really hard place, but be able to be that light.
Lydia: And a little bit of a joy for them in those moments of just driving in the car on the way to court or checking in with them twice a month in the foster home and just seeing that they're doing okay. Hearing about their stories when they wanna share, when they're ready to share. [00:21:00] So that is like one of the, I think the biggest lessons of this job is just to be a part of people's stories and to hear people's stories.
Lydia: It's really sweet
Carli: because kids are still kids. Yeah. You know, and the kids that you're coming in contact with have been through a lot. They wouldn't be here if they didn't have trauma of some kind. Yep. But I would imagine it's also uniquely faith affirming to see them still be Yeah. A kid.
Carli: Yeah.
Lydia: They're so resilient. They're so resilient. You see that over and over in this job of how they experience a lot of hard things that no kid should have to experience and how they bounce back, and they have that resilience in them. It's incredible to see.
Carli: So I've always been curious.
Carli: I've been part of different missions pushes for let's recruit foster families. We need more foster families in the state of Tennessee across the nation, really to serve children. What does it really take? Who's a good candidate to become a foster parent?
Lydia: Yeah. Well, first and foremost, I mean, someone who's just willing to [00:22:00] open their home, like open their doors to kids. Like that's first and foremost. Now with TBCH, we have a couple of different requirements for to foster through us.
Lydia: And those kind of, the basics of those right now for families that are interested in fostering through a private provider like TBCH and a Christian private provider is that they're a part of a church. That they are active in a faith church, where they are here in the gospel, where they have that support, that they're able to read our statement of faith and sign it and agree with that so that we are all on, in unity on that.
Lydia: All of the employees at TBCH also read and sign that. So we just want that unity across the board with our foster parents. And then to be at least 21 years of age is a requirement. You can be single, you can be married. If you're married, we just ask that you've been married for at least a year. So you have that kind of establishment of your home.
Carli: You wanna give your best to the kids. Absolutely. And so while you're still figuring out how to cohabitate with another person, absolutely.
Carli: It's probably not the
Lydia: best time. Yeah. So those are like some of the specific logistics, but honestly it just, it's opening your home and [00:23:00] being willing. And that's the hard first step of just being like, Hey. We're gonna do this. We have foster families come into our classes often where they're like, we're not really sure what we're doing here.
Lydia: We just are following the next thing, and we feel like we need to be doing this. So we're here. And we're like, thank you for following that call. You know, and we can, we start with the info meeting and I'm like, even if it's just the info meeting for y'all right now, you know, like, we can give you the information you have or that we have to offer, and then go from there.
Carli: So when you're driving kids to appointments and you're working with the parents and you're trying to keep all of the pieces you're going to court, right. Are there any stories that just you feel like you could share that particularly tug on your heart that could help our audience that's maybe just not familiar with this type of work, or they're imagining one thing but.
Carli: Maybe a story could help enlighten them a little bit.
Lydia: One that always has just kind of stuck out with me, with us being a faith-based organization. And conversations with kids in the car is like, it can go anywhere and everywhere. It's best. You never know. You never know. You never know. Something about the car environment is gonna bring out anything and everything.
Lydia: Well, don't you think
Carli: it's 'cause they're not face to [00:24:00] face. They'll say a lot more things side beside or behind you. Side than they'll side by side. Yep. 100% in your eyes. Yeah. Yep.
Lydia: But one story in particular, we were just driving to court in the middle of nowhere, And this little girl, she was about I think eight or nine and faith faced organization.
Lydia: She's from a Christian family, but she just. Outta nowhere started the conversation of like baptism and like her faith. And I was like, hold up. You're like a seven, 8-year-old kiddo, you know? Sure. And it kind of threw me for a loop here for a second. I was like, okay, wow we're gonna, we're gonna talk about this.
Lydia: And it was like, as kids do, they're all over the place. But I thought that was such an incredible opportunity and a lot of people ask about that faith aspect with TBCH and I'm like, that is what's so special about TBCH is when those questions are asked or those situations arise, like we're able to dive into that with kids, with foster families, with attorneys at court, with DCS workers like.
Lydia: The whole team we're able to dive into that, which I think is so incredibly special. [00:25:00] Another story that pops out, it goes a little bit more into the foster family, but there is a 10-year-old little boy and he's trying to understand and grasp the fact of his permanency and what his permanency is gonna look like, whether it's gonna be adoption or going home with bio mom.
Lydia: And he had asked foster parents, they had just been very specific of like, we just have to bio. Mom has to make these decisions to make things right and so you can go home. And he was like, well, can we just pray for mom every night? And foster parents? Were like, absolutely. So every single night this 10-year-old is like, Hey, let's pray for mom that she can do the things she needs to do.
Carli: It never ceases to amaze me how. Deep, the well is for a kid. They are processing such complicated, not only emotions, but you say permanence of how long will I be on earth? What, how long will I live here? How along with, what am I gonna eat for dinner? I want french fries. Like it's all together at the same time in this little body.
Rees: Yeah.
Carli: And I just love how you look at not [00:26:00] only them as a whole person, but as a whole soul. That deserves care from top to bottom.
Carli: Well, one fun thing we like to do with our guests Yeah.
Carli: Is play a fill in the blank game. Okay. They're not too hard. I think you're gonna do great. I'm scared. No. You got this.
Carli: The biggest challenge in providing care for these children is blank.
Lydia: The biggest challenge for providing care for these children, I think.
Lydia: Would just be trying to make decisions that are best for them. Like this world in foster care is crazy and you look at it from one stance and this makes sense. Like permanency for example. You know, the permanency goal is always reunification for these kids when possible. We always want them back with their bio parents.
Lydia: That is the goal. And so everything revolving around their case is geared towards that. And so just when you get to that point in a case that is a couple years in care and you're like, okay, these kiddos, this child, they need permanency. You know, one way or the other, whichever's best for this child, they need it.
Lydia: And that can be [00:27:00] really hard 'cause you're looking at it from one perspective of, okay, in this specific case, these specific circumstances, reunification looks right. But then you look at it from another area or another point of view, and you're like, okay, but is this right? You know, and thankfully we have a team of people that have accountability in making those decisions, and it's not just one person, which is incredible.
Carli: Thank you so much, Lydia.
Lydia: Yeah, of course. Thank you.
Carli: Rees Greenman, welcome to Signature Required. You are the program director at Tennessee Baptist Children's Home and a licensed master social worker.
Rees: That's right.
Carli: Tell me a little bit about what you do at the Tennessee Baptist Children's Home.
Rees: Yeah, well, so the largest part of my job description is other duties as assigned.
Carli: Other duties as assigned. Correct?
Rees: Correct.
Carli: Did you know that when you came on, or did that just No, not at all. Okay. Okay. It was just the extra box that they had.
Rees: It was it's the last line on most people's job description. It's even more so here.
Carli: It's like 80% other.
Rees: Got it. Right. Got it. No it's it's great.
Rees: One of the things that I love that I get to do here is I [00:28:00] supervise and support the house parents. And what I love about that is it helps me have a greater impact, I hope, on the kids by supporting and loving on and encouraging and training the house parents on how to parent kids from trauma.
Rees: 'Cause all of our kids are trauma kids. And another piece that I'm working on creating and developing and rolling out to our families is how can we better support families in their communities?
Carli: So tell me a little bit about that. I would imagine, like you said, all the kids coming in have had some type of trauma.
Carli: How does that change the nature of their care in this group home setting?
Rees: Yeah, that's a great question. So it's a super challenging environment because we're asking a husband and wife to care for up to eight kids that might have eight different backgrounds, to eight different trauma histories. And the way that you and I may have been parented.
Rees: Might not work for the way in which these kids can be parented in the ways that we may have raised our own children. It might not work to [00:29:00] to parent kids from trauma with that way.
Carli: I imagine when you come in as a foster parent here anywhere you have ideas of what might work and what might not work.
Carli: And then you get eight totally different kids and you realize quickly you have zero control over the situation. How do you prepare them? Like how do you even get them to a place where they feel remotely equipped to do this work?
Rees: Yeah, so I think the day that we feel that, hey, we got this, it's the day we should be afraid.
Rees: I don't think any of us are fully prepared to really. Be the best we can be for anybody. The best thing we can do is show up and be present with kids and with our spouses in those hard times. And so what we try to do is, one of the things I tell house parents all the time is whenever they come to me with their struggles is, congratulations, you're human.
Rees: Because it's really important to know that we're never going to be perfect parents. Our goal is to be good enough parents to be able to sit with and be with children and their trauma while they're having a hard time because the pressures of life are big enough.
Carli: And what would you [00:30:00] say I know a lot of what you do is confidential, but I think it'd be interesting for listeners, what are some of those chief challenges?
Carli: Like what are they bringing to you if you can share?
Rees: Yeah. Well, like, I'll just tell you one of our current clients they're a young child and they come from an immense amount of trauma from sexual abuse to domestic violence to a parent who is struggling with their own mental and physical health issues and hasn't been able to be always present for them.
Rees: And so whenever she feels stressed, it can be a good stress or it can be a bad stress. She'll just shut down and she'll just not move, not interact, not talk. And so a large part of my job is working, one, supporting the house parents and saying, you're not crazy. This is really hard. And then two, trying to find some strategies and techniques on maybe ways that we can help that child ground and be present in time and space so that they can then engage in a meaningful, helpful way.
Rees: Because [00:31:00] both positive and negative stress react with cortisol in our brains that make us feel stress. And it can cause either kids to act up or shut down and this one shuts down. So it's really challenging.
Carli: I guess it never would've thought about positive stress having a similar. Physical impact on your body and a similar response to negative stress. But I guess for these kids, sometimes that feels the same.
Rees: Yeah. Well if you think about it with our own kids, yeah. Is like, if your child goes to birthday party has a great time, there's typically a meltdown afterwards. 'cause they're like, they say, oh, they're exhausted. And they, they are exhausted.
Rees: They've also been like super stimulated and really, if you think about stress, super stressed. Even though it's a positive stress at that time.
Carli: One of the things I think that's really interesting is your goal here is always reunification with bio parents. But is to keep kids out of a traditional foster
Carli: Parenting situation. Yeah. And now you, as we've talked about, that you actually do train foster parents and sometimes that is necessary in the community.
Carli: But could you walk us through how you work with parents to prevent. [00:32:00] These kids from entering state custody?
Rees: Yeah, so, the Tennessee Baptist Childrens Homes residential program, we use a tool called a power of attorney. And so that is a tool, that's just a notarized agreement that says the parent is giving us permission to take kids to doctors, dentists, enroll them in schools, house them, feed them while if they went into state custody that has to go in, in front of a judge and custody is transferred from the parent to the state.
Rees: The way that you undo a power of attorney is the parent just has to show up and sign a form that says, Hey, I'm get my kid back if they're in foster care. And to go through it in front of a judge and prove that they're able to parent again, prove that their addiction, that they've gone done their alcohol and drug addiction treatment to prove that they've gone to their parenting classes to prove that they've done their mental health assessments.
Rees: And so if they come to our residential program we bypass all of that. The kids can stay here, have good quality care while the parents are able to get on their feet and work towards permanence.
Carli: Now, [00:33:00] let ask. There might be people listening to this saying, oh, but I want a parent to go to court.
Carli: I wanna make sure that they have all these checks and balances and done all of these things. So what would you say to someone that might say, oh, I don't like that we're circumventing the system.
Rees: Yeah. That's a great question. You know, honestly, is there sometimes conversations we have within ourself of, is this family better served by the state?
Rees: 'cause the last thing we want to do is circumvent the state in protecting children. So for example, we just brought in two young children a couple weeks ago because the mom was having a medical crisis. She had to have surgery, but she didn't have any family support or any friend support to take care of her kids while she admitted to the hospital for two days.
Rees: So that's not a family that necessarily needs to go into state custody because she doesn't have family support. We have worked with adoptive parents who may be. They're struggling with your adopted child with attachment issues and things like that, where it's not an abuse or neglect issue, but instead it's an issue of relearning how to parent a kid who has trauma and has [00:34:00] history that's outside of the biological adoptive families.
Carli: So what I hear you saying, tell me if I'm wrong. No, you're good. Help me if this is not right. Is you're not in replacement
Rees: Correct.
Carli: Of the state and the foster care system. You're really coming alongside to help ease the burden perhaps for these unique situations that you can serve a little bit through your flexibility and be more agile than perhaps a traditional court structure situation.
Carli: Yeah.
Rees: That's a great. Way to look at it is this morning our DCS licensing consultant showed up to check out our services to make sure that we are doing what we're supposed to be doing. So we work in conjunction with DCS the family that that with the two girls that we're serving now with the medical issue, they're referred to us by DCS.
Rees: So it really is a partnership. Where we're this outside agency that we can help take some on some of those burdens that aren't traditional abuse and neglect issues.
Carli: Well, we're gonna play a little game. Reese, let's play called, fill in the blank. Fill in the blank.
Rees: All right. I have bad memory, so I, you might tell me I can do it lots of times. Thanks.
Carli: [00:35:00] Don't worry. Thanks. I got you. I've got your back. This is gonna be fun. This one thing I wish more people understood about children in crisis is blank.
Rees: One thing that I wish people knew about Children in Crisis is that behavior is a way of communication. And so often when we meet children out in the community who might be acting out, they might not be a foster child, they might not be a residential child at TBCH, but they might be a child in the community that's having a really bad day and they're acting out that their behavior is speaking for them.
Rees: And so they're trying to say something, they don't know how to say it. The statistic is one in five kids before the age of 18 have experienced sexual abuse. And so we don't know what these kids are carrying. And so just when you approach a child who's having a hard day, just approach 'em to compassion.
Carli: Wow. Wow.
Carli: Your heart for this community and these kids is so apparent, and I'm just really grateful that you are willing to share it with us today.
Carli: Thank you. Yeah. Well,
Rees: thank you, Carly.
Carli: [00:36:00] Thanks, Rees.
